Lizzy McAlpine Fights Her Feelings On “Pushing It Down and Praying”
Thalia Eyles
Lizzy McAlpine has released yet another gut-wrenching song with “Pushing It Down and Praying,” a new single that will also be featured on the upcoming deluxe album titled Older (and Wiser).
Photo by Neema Sadeghi
“Pushing It Down and Praying” fittingly opens with a lyric that parallels the opening of “You Forced Me To” from Older; both songs revolve around McAlpine’s guilty feeling about not feeling the things that she imagines the other person in the relationship wants her to.
“Pushing It Down and Praying” fits sonically into the universe of Older, which McAlpine spent two years developing with her band. Found are more mature and fleshed-out narratives than some of her previous work. The instrumentals of this song—the slightly swung, warm guitar and bass, the artful distortion, and the layered vocals mesh perfectly into a cohesive organism, complementing her lead vocals. The arc of the arrangement ebbs and flows emotionally with the tide of the lyrics. Commendably, McAlpine is able and willing to boldly express ugly feelings within a beautiful auditory landscape.
The song indeed feels like a development on the foundation of the original Older album—more reflective and even more agonizingly raw. A step beyond “You Forced Me To” and “Vortex,” both of which she lyrically alludes to in this song—it feels as though she’s moved beyond the wondering that she does in the first two songs, to now knowing and dreading what she feels, hoping that she isn’t giving it away. In this track, she ruminates on her hidden desires and resists acting in a way that would make her “guilty” but would “get [her] what [she] needs.”
Though the world of this song very much lives inside McAlpine’s head, the music video lives almost entirely onstage. She looks out across an audience that looks at her expectantly as her male counterpart misses his cue to come to her onstage. She turns instead to another, played by fellow musician Role Model, who emerges from the audience “replacing” the other man. The music swells and releases as McAlpine and Role Model dance together under a new golden stage light, flying together on cables. This moment of joy, though, is ultimately unfulfilling and Role Model pulls away from the kiss. He disappears into the bowels of the theater as McAlpine tries fruitlessly to follow him.
McAlpine is able to be intensely honest with her audience, even while “pushing down” that same truth and “praying” to keep it concealed. Four more new songs will be out alongside “Pushing It Down and Praying” on Older (and Wiser) on October 4th.
